Throwback: Positive K – I Got A Man…

You know, I really believe that the 90’s was the decade of the one-hit wonder. It was like you could get a record contract by saving the UPC codes off of cereal boxes. There were so many random artist, rap and R&B, that came and went overnight they could’ve probably formed their own state….enter elder statesman Darryl Gibson…

Let’s be honest, as far as becoming a bonafide hip-hop star goes…..this poor guy never stood a chance. Granted it was the 90’s, but even if you ignored the generic “bang, boom, pow! surprise!” hip-hop stance he chose for his album cover, his obnoxious L.A. Laker colored jacket, and his Duke curl and wave activator saturated hair…..you were still left with his rap name, Positive K. I know most rappers in the late 80’s/early 90’s had pretty lame names, especially when you look at them objectively. You had your Ice’s (Ice T, Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice) and your C/Kool’s (LL Cool J, Kool Moe Dee, Kool G Rap), but Positive K just sounds like a healthy breakfast cereal….and while breakfast cereal is pretty cool….healthy breakfast cereal is far from it.

Positive K – I Got A Man

I was 11 yrs old when this song was a hit and although I liked this song I really didn’t get it….not like I do today. After spending more than enough time in clubs and bars throughout my college and post college years I’ve come to truly understand that this isn’t just a song….it’s a way of life for a lot of relentless lames that lurk in the dark bowels of nightclubs. Look, it’s not rocket science, most women make it somewhat obvious if they’re interested in talking to you. If not, they definitely make it blatantly obvious if they want you to leave them the hell alone. I’m not saying that persistence isn’t necessary at times, but you have to know when to use it because there’s a huge difference between being persistent and being annoying. This is a prime example of being annoying…

Ummm not sure if you noticed the Cross Colours jean suit this brother had on in the video. Nothing wrong with that…it was 90’s. But the fact that the shirt/jacket was three-quarter length with a waist tie is just unacceptable regardless of the decade. Movin’ on…

Positive K was obviously not tryin’ to hear that see…and neither are these guys…

The BFF
This is the guy that tries to play the friend angle after being told to fuck off. Look, if a woman tells you outright, meaning the first words out of her mouth are, “I got a man or I’m married”, keep it movin’ because there’s a strong chance that she’s not interested in you. Whether or not she’s telling the truth is irrelevant, because if she has a man/is married and she was actually interested in you, she wouldn’t even mention her man/husband until later on down the line, if ever (<—-Just had this happen about a month ago). But nope, this is the guy who think he's so smooth he'll make her forget all about her man/husband with lines like: "What? You can't have friends? Damn, he got you on lock like that?" or "I don't see no ring on your finger." There you go Daddy Mack…now you got her thinking.

The Converter
Fellas it’s no secret that we’ve lost quite a few attractive women to….women. I even know a few, but if a woman tells you she’s a lesbian, accept it and keep it movin’. Just like the “I got a man or I’m married” scenario it’s irrelevant if she’s telling the truth or not. But nope, The Converter has this warped misconception that she’s only gay because she hasn’t been with him yet. As a result, he proceeds with lines like “You just ain’t been with the right dude” and “Them dudes you were with just wasn’t hittin’ it right”. The Converter does the exact opposite of what he set out to do. Instead of convincing her to consider giving men another chance, he just reinforces her lesbianism (<–is that even a real word? Sounds like one *Kanye shrug*).

The Stalker 2K10
Prior to the internet stalking was like a full-time job. I mean you had to reeeeaaally be obsessed with a woman (and be a psychopath) to stalk her. Obtaining information like where she lived and worked, what she drove, where she shopped and who her friends were took some serious detective work. Not only did it take time and effort, but you had to be smart and somewhat cunning. Put it like this, a lot of would be stalkers probably just gave up once they saw how hard it was. Then the internet came along, followed by MySpace, FaceBook and more recently Twitter, making the art of stalking trivial. Nowadays, any asshole with a laptop and a Starbucks wifi connect can stalk you…hence, Stalker 2K10. This is that nice gentleman who seemed to take it well when you politely turned him down at the club Saturday night. Then on Sunday morning you see he’s sent you a friend request on FB and he’s started following you on Twitter. Signs that he’s a stalker? Nope. A lil thirsty? Yes….but you don’t consider him a psychopath. That is until one hour after you accepted his request you see that he’s commented on all 237 pics you have posted on FB, added all of your friends, poked you 15 times, superpoked you 3 times, sent you a virtual rose and hit you 23 virtual pillows.

Like Dave Chappelle told Wayne Brady’s hooker…”Run Bitch! Run Bitch! Run for your life, get some help!”

The Insulter
*sigh* I really don’t get this guy. So you see an attractive woman and you “shoot your shot”, “try to holla”, “spit yo game” or whatever the hell you want to call it. She politely tells you she has a man or something that equates to friendly rejection. You in return, insult her and threaten her with bodily harm. Way to go champ….nothing changes a woman’s mind like hearing the sweet serenade of “Fuck you then, you stuck-up bitch!”. Yeah, I have no doubt that back in the caveman days that line, coupled with a club to hit her over the head with, would’ve worked out in your favor. Fortunately for women, today there are things like laws, policemen, bouncers, stun guns, switch blades and mace to protect them from guys like you.

Honorable Mentions
The Verifier – This is the guy that does everything right initially. He gets her number….then he calls her in the club because he wants to make sure she gave him the right number.

The Bottle Popper – This is the lame who thinks that buying a woman a drink is an automatic win for him. Buying a woman a drink doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get a phone number, a dance, a date or some ass. You don’t buy a scratch off expecting to win every time…sometimes it’s just a waste of money.

The Motion Detector – I was out this past weekend and I witnessed this guy in full effect. This is that guy who quietly stands right by a woman all night, waiting for her to do anything that could be remotely interpreted as dancing. The minute she does, his cool and relaxed demeanor is thrown out the window and he begins to viciously gyrate up against her ass.

Throwback: West Coast All-Stars – We’re All In The Same Gang…

King Tee, Body & Soul, Def Jef, Michel’le, Tone-Loc, Above The Law, Ice-T, N.W.A, J.J. Fad, Young MC, Digital Underground, Oaktown’s 357 and MC Hammer were all featured on “We’re All In The Same Gang”. The anti-violence posse cut was created to address the rapid surge in violence that was plaguing urban America in the late 80’s and early 90’s.

The increase in violence was directly related to an increase in gang activity in impoverished neighborhoods and more importantly an increase in the popularity of crack cocaine. It was also considered the west coast’s version of the 1989 east coast rap song “Self Destruction“.

This song came out in 1990, almost 20 years ago….yet everything that they’re rapping about is still just as relevant if not more, today in 2009.

Despite having some of the highest taxes in the US, an overabundance of political corruption, absurdly overpriced parking meters, virtually non-existent summers and atrocious winters, I love the city of Chicago. I’m able to get over, and in some ways accept all of the aforementioned things….but the one thing that I can not accept, overlook, disregard or understand is the senseless killing of children that frequently takes place in this city.

I’m not sure about the city that you live in, but here in Chicago bullets fly around about as frequently as a breeze from Lake Michigan blows. Today marks the start of the third week of school for students enrolled in the Chicago Public School system as well as other students across the country. Unfortunately, it’s almost a guarantee that several CPS students will be victims of gun violence before the end of this school year. Last school year (08-09), a record 36 Chicago Public Schools students were killed, making it the third straight year that youth homicides reached double digits in Chicago. That doesn’t even include the numerous robberies, assaults, stabbings, non-fatal gunshot wounds and other malicious acts of violence that many children across Chicago experience and often goes undocumented or unpublicized.

Chicago currently has the highest youth homicide rate in the nation, surpassing both New York and Los Angeles. That’s a title that should shame the citizens and the elected officials of Chicago, but the sad part is that many Chicagoans have become completely numb to the violence. The killing of innocent children and babies no longer invokes the shock and outrage it once did…it has gotten to the point where it’s almost accepted and even expected.

“Open up the paper to one more death, if yall keep this up there’ll be no one left.” (c) Young MC

Well, I started writing this post on Friday (9/18), with the intention of posting it today Monday (9/21)…and unfortunately as much as I would like to be wrong, it doesn’t look like this school year is going to be any different from the last. This past Saturday night (9/19), Corey McClaurin, a 17 yr old Simeon High School senior was shot dead while he sat in his car on South Side. A dark minivan reportedly pulled up along side McClaurin and a someone jumped out and opened fire on him before hopping back into the van and fleeing the scene. No motive is known and there are no known suspects at the moment.

West Coast Rap All-Stars – We’re All In The Same Gang

So what’s the answer? Hell if only is was that easy. Unfortunately there’s no silver bullet, there are a number of things that need to happen in order for the violence and senseless killing to stop. With so many things wrong, it’s hard to try and figure out where to start. Below I touch on a few things that I just wanted to vent about regarding children and violence. I apologize because from here on out I basically go on a completely unorganized rant. You may not agree with some or any of the things I say…oh well, that’s life and these are simply my opinions…

Raise Your Damn Child…Yes, YOU…
Parents need to stop letting any and everything raise their children. Have you seen the bullshit that’s on television? Have you listen to the top 8 at 8? Turn off the radio, the video games and the television. Let them know that everything that they see and hear isn’t always what it seems. Be involved…your child shouldn’t learn everything from school. It’s sad because there are so many parents who let the coaches, the teachers, the neighbors and everybody but them play a more important role in their child’s upbringing than they do.

Fuck ’em Up…
Beat your kid’s ass. I’m not saying for every little thing, but if they get completely out of line…fuck em’ up. I can’t stand when I’m out in public and some little fucker is cursing his momma out and she’s arguing with him like they’re equals….fuck ’em up. I know a lot of people don’t agree with hitting kids for whatever reason. Some say “violence begets violence…you’re just teaching them violence”. I don’t call it violence, I call it discipline. Maybe that’s because my father beat my ass…he’s a former military man and he didn’t (and still doesn’t) play that shit. I was scared as hell of that man as a child, but I also respected the hell out him as I still do to this day. With that said, I think I turned out okay…I think. All my mom had to say was “I’m gonna tell you father” and I fell in line ASAP. Look, fear without respect is meaningless, so I’m not saying that simply hitting a child is a method of good parenting b/c obviously there’s a difference between discipline and abuse. I just feel like the whole time out/punishment thing doesn’t work as well as a good ol’ fashion ass whooping. Don’t believe me? You ever heard of a repeat offender? Yep, time out for children works as about as well as prison does for adults. While some people learn their lesson, a lot of them just get so use to time-out/prison that it no longer becomes a threatening consequence for doing wrong.

Babies Can’t Raise Babies…
These kids need to stop having kids. There are a lot of adults that don’t have the mental capacity, common sense or level of maturity it takes to raise a child properly, so what are the chances that a 14 yr old girl will? Look, I’m an animal lover and I’ve had several pets throughout my life and at times the responsibilities that came along with owning them were overwhelming. So I can only imagine the responsibilities that come along with raising a child. For some reason teenagers today have a warped perception about the impact that having a child can have on a person’s life. Also those very same teenagers are completely clueless about sex. They “learn” about sex through HBO, MTV and their just as clueless classmates and friends. If you talked to some of the high school students about sex today, you would be completely floored by some of the dumb shit they think they know. So talk to your teenager about sex, teen pregnancy, STDs, protection and preventive measures….educate them.

Stop Focusing On Guns…
Focus on the people using guns. Guns don’t shoot on their own. Anybody that believes that the answer to this problem is stricter gun laws, needs to use an ounce of common sense. The idea in itself is a fuckin oxymoron….you’re talkin about a fuckin’ law. We’re talkin’ about criminals….they don’t follow laws, they commit crimes by breaking laws. The only thing that stricter gun laws will do is make it tougher for law abiding citizens to obtain a gun. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way”, even when it comes to doing wrong. Let focus on the “will”…eliminate the criminals who desire, need and want to use a gun and the availability of guns won’t matter. I know it’s easier said than done and I’m not 100% sure about how to do it, but I think it’s obvious that the old way of approaching this issue isn’t working.

Oh and one more thing…..

FUCK THE 2016 OLYMPICS…
With all of the problems this city has, Mayor Daley and his minions have decided to focus all of their time and energy on bringing the Olympics to the city of Chicago. While I think it’s a great opportunity, I think that there are more pertinent issues that need to be addressed before the global spotlight is placed on Chicago. I guess what I’m sayin’ is that we’re just not ready host an event of that magnitude. Just imagine how much greater this city would be if all of these money hungry ass politicians put that same amount of time and energy into eliminating the violence on these streets and balancing the fuckin’ budget. All in all, we need to clean up the crib before we start inviting people over.

I could go into the many reasons why I feel that bringing the Olympics to Chicago is an extremely bad idea but that’s a totally different blog post. Okay, I digress…but before I sign off I want to leave you with what I’ve always thought was the realest line from “We’re All In The Same Gang“…

I got an idea, give me a minute
and if it makes sense, then get with it
what if we could take our enemies, feed ’em poison
under-educate their girls and boys and
split ’em up, make ’em fight one another
better yet, make ’em kill for a color
all my brothers need to know one thing
no matter what you think, we’re all in the same gang
(c) Ice-T

Throwback: Full Force – Ain’t My Type of Hype…

Okay, let me start by saying that the 80’s was the only decade that a man could wear what dude in the lower left hand corner has on and not automatically be considered homosexual. Click the pic to see it better. Movin’ on…

Despite the fact that half of the group dressed like male strippers…

….Full Force is probably one of the most successful groups in pop, hip-hop and R&B music. I know what you’re thinkng “ummm really? I really can’t think of anything that they’ve done.”

When I say successful, I’m not just speaking in terms of their own music/songs. A lot of people don’t know that since their rise to fame in the 80’s, Full Force has been working behind the scenes over the years writing, producing and providing background vocals for just about any and everybody. UTFO, Bob Dylan, Lil’ Kim, Doctor Ice, Samantha Fox, Mayte (Prince’s ex-wife), Patti LaBelle, Jasmine Guy, The Force M.D.s, Britney Spears, James Brown, Lisa Lisa and The Cult Jam, Backstreet Boys, La Toya Jackson, Selena, Roxanne Shanté, Rihanna and The Black Eyed Peas are just some of the people that they’ve worked with.

Full Force – Ain’t My Type of Hype

I’ve been kickin’ quite a bit lately. Not a whole lot, just more than usual (which is why I’m broke) and this song epitomizes that old school late 80’s/early 90’s party sound and feel. The fact that this was the song played during the infamous battle between Kid N’ Play and Sydney and Sharane in House Party probably has a little something to do with it.

“Act your age not the size of those pants you wear, so tight….you look right”

I love this damn song for so many reasons…

1.) It makes me want to dance….and I don’t dance (unless I’ve consumed large quantities of alcohol). I can only think of 3 reasons why you wouldn’t want to do the Kid N’ Play when you hear this: You’ve never seen House Party, you have no idea what the Kid N’ Play is, or both.

2.) This reminds me of when me and the fellas used to have house parties. I’m talkin’ tables full of liquor, pass out on the front lawn, break your mom’s toilet, somebody’s throwin’ up type of house parties….good times. Shout out to Jay & Avri for the lettin’ us get throwed at their cribs back in the day. Oh yeah, shout out to Tense for breakdancing all by yourself at Jay’s house party.

3.) It’s happy, feel good music. This came out around the time when most of the music, particularly rap, was geared toward one extreme or another. You had feel good, positive party rap….then you had hardcore, gangster, fuck the police rap. Anything in-between was hard to come by.

Bonus:
Kid N’ Play – Ain’t Gonna Hurt Nobody

See this is the attitude people need to have when they go out…ain’t gonna hurt nobody, we’re just dancing yall. If you have that much anger and aggression that you feel the need to go to the club with an attitude, screw faced lookin’ for a fight, you need to go be a cage fighter. That way you would just cut out all of the extra shit and get straight to the fighting. Huh? What did you say? You’re not that angry? You’re just a lame and you’d get your ass beat…sounds about right.

4.) It reminds me of when I had a crooked ass hi-top fade. No matter what barber I went to, they could never get it straight….kind of like my linin’ is now. Oh well.

Btw I’ll add a pic of me when I was 11 yrs old with a bogus ass box to this part of the post as soon as I find one.

Throwback: Keith Sweat – Merry Go Round…

Keith Sweat is an anomaly…he is undoubtedly the most successful terrible singer ever.

It’s mind boggling how this man managed to become such an iconic R&B figure in the late 80’s and early 90’s.

Despite the fact he sounded like a Llama taking a very painful shit while using auto-tune, Keith’s love sick ballads and uptempo new jack songs propelled him to superstar status.

Keith is considered an R&B legend by many people because he (along with Teddy Riley who produced Keith’s debut album) helped establish the New Jack Swing sound in the late 80’s. All of Keith’s songs were created using a complex mixture of beggin’, cryin’, whinin’ and more beggin’. He’s quite possibly the worlds greatest beggar…I pray that he never goes broke and becomes homeless. Could you imagine his ass singin’ for change? He’d get rich real quick because most people would give him whatever they had on them just so he’d shut the fuck up.

Even with all of that said….I have damn near every Keith Sweat song ever made on my ipod. Okay not every song, more so his earlier stuff. Why? Well if you look and listen past the fact that he couldn’t sing worth a shit, Keith Sweat wrote some of the realest R&B songs ever. Real in the sense that you knew he was feelin’ every damn word he was singin’. Not to mention he revolutionized the art of beggin’. Dignity? Pride? Balls?…..all foreign words to Mr. Sweat. He simply didn’t give a fuck about tellin’ you how bad he was hurt…shit he has quite a few songs were I swear he had to be criying while he recorded them.

Most songwriters use their own personal experiences as a basis for their music and Keith was no exception. It’s pretty easy to see that the majority of Keith Sweat’s earlier songs were about one woman. I think she broke his heart so damn bad he used his first two albums (and lil’ bit of the third) to cry about the shit. The title of Keith’s songs pretty much spoke for themselves. If you take a look at some of songs off of Make It Last Forever and I’ll Give All My Love To You, he pretty much chronicles his failed relationship from the beginning to the end…

The Beginning
He saw a very attractive woman and immediately thought to himself “I Want Her“. He made several attempts to talk to her, using lame ass old man lines like “girl I bet I can ‘Make You Sweat’ “. To no one’s surprise he got rejected in a friendly way every time, to which he responded by saying “There You Go Tellin’ Me No Again“. Eventually she decided to give him a chance because he wore a lot of leather, had some cool sweaters and he looked like he could be a model for Pro-Line Comb-Thru Texturizer hair products. She gave him some ass and it was nothing short of amazing….so he fell in love to the point where he felt like “Nobody” could compare to her and he just wanted to “Make It Last Forever”. (Simp)

The Middle
They reached a point in the relationship where every few months they were breakin’ up. It seemed like they weren’t making any progress, just going in circles like a “Merry Go Round“. He started to wonder if she was is in love with him, like he was with her…..then he finally asked her “How Deep Is Your Love?” She told him it was deep and he asked for specifics. So she told him it was kiddie pool deep, not ocean deep and he started to think “Something Just Ain’t Right“.

The End
He discovered that his suspicions were correct and told her I “Knew That You Were Cheatin’” on me. Then he started crying and whining uncontrollably and asked her “Why Me Baby?” She gave him the infamous line “it’s not you, it’s me” then left. They went their separate ways and despite the lyin’ and the cheatin’ he still wanted her to “Come Back“. Time passed, he ran into her and realized that he wasn’t as over her as he thought. He couldn’t quite explain or understand why he felt the way he did, but he figured it was “Just One of Them Thangs” that he was gonna have to get use to.

See, I told his songs tell a story. Movin’ on…

I have say that the director made it very apparent that this song was called “Merry Go Round”. Unless you’re a merry-go-round collector, I refuse to believe that anybody has that many just placed randomly throughout their home. Oh, and the sax playin’ clown was just weird.

Keith Sweat – Merry Go Round

There’s a breakdown at the end of this song (on the album version) that they didn’t include in the video…

“Life is, Life is so, is so unfair
If you wanna play circus baby, I don`t wanna be your clown, girl
No, n-no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, baby
I don`t want the sideshow to begin,
cause I don`t want you to let me in
Baby, sometimes people don`t understand
what they have until it`s gone
Some people don`t know somebody loves them
until it`s too late, baby”

*sigh* That’s some real ish right there…

Umm, btw no parts of this post were an autobiographical reference to any of my past, current or recent relationships. I mean why would I sit up here and turn a throwback Keith Sweat post into a heart wrenching, soul bearing, therapeutic blog session? It’s not like I’ve been listening to any of these songs and thinking that one of my relationships were loosely based on Keith Sweat’s greatest hits…that’s just silly………..isn’t it?

….now back to your regularly scheduled posts.

Throwback: Naughty By Nature – Everything’s Gonna Be Alright…

Let me start off by saying this…Naughty By Nature is and was very under-rated. Treach was one of the best rappers back in the early 90’s. I can’t say the same about Vinnie, but when it comes to rap duos there’s always one person who tends to be better than the other.

Early in their career, Naughty By Nature (without trying) made music that was commercially successful despite the fact that the lyrical content wasn’t watered down or considered radio friendly….just go back and really listen to the lyrics in “O.P.P.” For commercial purposes O.P.P. stood for ‘Other Peoples Property’ but it was pretty clear from Treach’s lyrics that the last ‘P’ didn’t stand for property. In spite of the lyrics, this song was in heavy rotation on urban radio stations across America when it was released in 1991. It became such a hit that even the jacket Treach was wearing in the video became a fixture in urban fashion, and was dubbed the “O.P.P.” Jacket.

Later on in their career, it seemed like they started trying to make radio friendly/commercial songs in effort to reach the level of success they had previously attained. This was probably due to the fact that DJs were no longer breaking records that they considered hot, but were instead being told what records to break. I think Sean Price said it best, “I remember when DJs used to check for a record/ nowadays they want a check for a record.” That was when the radio use to play the same 50 songs over and over…instead of the same 5 songs over and over like they do now. Whatever the reason, Naughty By Nature slowly began to sound more commercial and somewhat corny and subsequently, they faded into Hip-Hop obscurity.

Naughty By Nature – Everything’s Gonna Be Alright

From beginning to end, this song details how so many children and young adults across America felt in the late 80’s/early 90’s and still feel today. Back when I first heard this song I thought it was an uplifting anthem about staying positive despite the obstacles that some children face growing up in poverty. Well not quite, it really just explained why those children find it hard to stay positive when they’re constantly being hammered with negativity that is often beyond their control. The paradoxical nature of “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” was what made it such a dope song to me. The song starts with the birth of a fatherless child and chronicles his life from that point up until early adulthood. In between each verse the chorus repeats…

Everything’s gonna be alright, (alright)
Everything’s gonna be alright, (alright)
And everything’s gonna be alright now (alright)
Everything’s gonna be alright, (alright)

Then immediately afterwards Treach goes on to tell you how everything in his life continues to be the opposite of alright…it actually gets worst. It’s funny because around the time this song came out my parents were separating and I was preparing to move from Chicago to Alabama. I remember hearing this song thinking “yeah, everything’s gonna be alright”, then after really listening to the lyrics I was like “hmmm…maybe not”. One of the most memorable lines is when Treach explains why his lyrics tend to focus on the more negative aspects of life by describing where he lives…

“…drop that, and now you want me to rap and give?/ say somethin‘ positive? Well positive ain’t where I live/ I live right around the corner from West Hell, 2 blocks from South Shit, and One Center Jail Cell…”

That’s a pretty fucked up location, just imagine your GPS giving you those directions…I’d bust a u-turn like a muhfucka. Shortly after that he goes on to ask (and answer) a series of questions that I’m sure crosses the mind of so many people, both young and old, everyday…

“How will I do it? How will I make it? I won’t, that’s how.”

…let’s just hope that they don’t come up with the same answer as him.

Throwback: Jeff Redd – You Called & Told Me…

If you don’t recognize the name Jeff Redd or this song I’m not surprised. This song was actually off of the soundtrack for the movie Strickly Business. It came out in 1991 and it starred Halle Berry’s fine ass, Joseph C. Phillips (he played Denise’s husband Martin on The Cosby Show)…

…Tommy Davidson (from In Living Color), Samuel L. Jackson, Joe Torry, it even had Jodeci in it….well anyway this was the song they played during all of the club scenes and at the end of the movie.

Jeff Redd – You Called & Told Me

I swear I love this song, this shit makes me want to throw on a silk polka dot button up shirt, a pair of Cross Colour jeans, grow a hi-top fade and do the Tom & Jerry (note: if you’re under 25 you probably don’t know what the hell I’m talking about…it’s okay. Cherish your youth). This song epitomizes that early 90’s new jack swing sound. This was a time when people went to parties to party, when doing a dance routine in the middle of the club was considered cool and unfortunately, it was okay for people to wear colored jeans (like royal blue, red, green & yellow).

Nowadays parties are more “Top Model” than “Soul Train”, dance routines are reserved for the extremely intoxicated (or that one dude who seems like he was cryogenically frozen in 1989 and just thawed out before the party) and if you see any adult wearing colored jeans it’s a safe bet they’re homeless, a crackhead or both.

Terrible quality, but you’ll get over it…

Oh yeah, ladies if you’re a fan of Mary J. Blige, you can thank Jeff Redd for her discovery. A lot of people think that Mr. MAC Lip Gloss, Puffy, Puff Daddy, P. Diddy, Diddy discovered her. While he did help develop her as an artist during the earlier stages of her career, it was Jeff Redd that helped her get signed to Uptown. Mary’s stepfather gave Redd (who was an A&R as well as an artist at Uptown) a demo tape of Mary performing Anita Baker’s “Caught Up in the Rapture.” After hearing the tape he sent it to Andre Harrell…and well you know the rest.

Throwback: Al B. Sure! – Off On Your Own (Girl)…

Ahh yes…the invasion of the yellow brothers. This was around the time where if you were light skinned, had “good hair”, a hi-top fade and could do the running man, you had an 85% chance of getting a record deal as an R&B singer.

What’s funny is that…

…this song was hot shit back then despite the fact that Al really couldn’t sing or dance, this song was over-saturated with unnecessary random squeaks and laughs, and he had 3 eyebrows. A lot of people call it a uni brow by default, but a uni brow is when both eyebrows connect to make one continuous “brow”. Mr. Sure clearly had a brow for his left eye, his right eye and a separate brow for his nose…3 eyebrows. Well I guess the middle one would technically be a nose brow…is there a name for that? Hmm…tribrow? Okay back to the song…

Al B. Sure – Get Off On Your Own (Girl)

Throughout this song he just randomly says shit like “oooh”, “hee”, “woo”, “haha” and around the 2:27 mark he just goes into a “hee, hee, woo, haha” frenzy.

As if the “ooh hees” weren’t enough, Al’s former flame pisses him off to the point where he completely loses his cool…

“What’s up with that? You got me on hold? What, you think you dope on a rope?….Nope!!! What, I’m suppose to sweat you? You suppose to just run all over me? Zero!!! On the strength…”

Did you really have to go there Al? You cold Al, you cold…now, any of you ladies wanna play Al after hearing that verbal ass whooping?

Didn’t think so.

…and then there was the video.

So what’s Al up to nowadays?

He’s currently a DJ on Los Angeles radio station HOT 92.3 (KHHT) playing old school and R&B, on weekdays from 10am – 1pm. Mr. Sure is also rumored to have a new album, Honey I’m Home, which is supposed to be released sometime in 2009 (keep your fingers crossed).

Oh, btw does anybody remember his version of Roberta Flack’s “Killing Me Softly”? Yeah he remade it…it was pretty bad.

Update: Apparently Al B. wasn’t too involved in his son Quincy’s upbringing….so Quincy decided to write Mr. Sure a public letter. Click Here to read it.

Throwback: Candyman – Knockin’ Boots…

“….huggin’ and tuggin’ and rubbin’ lovin’ it all/ havin’ a ball”

“….I don’t wanna sit down/I just wanna get down”

“….knockin’ while I’m hip-hoppin’/many people say my lyrics are shockin’ “

Candyman – Knockin’ Boots

Aahhh yes, with shockin’ lyrics like those it’s a wonder why we were only blessed with one hit single from Candyman.

Have you been losin’ sleep over the fact that you’ve been deprived of more mind blowin’ material from the Man of Candy? Well, if you happened to be anywhere other than Candyman’s studio in 2000, you might’ve missed the fact that he dropped a comeback album, Knockin’ Boots 2001: A Sex Odyssey. The album featured a remix of his 1990 hit single, “Knockin’ Boots,” as well as some spankin’ new material , including the hidden gems, “Tennis Shoe Pimpin’, ” “Sumpthin’ About U” and ” Mashin’.”

Hey, what do you call a black man with a hi-top fade, 2 parts on the right side of his head, a braided tail in the back of his head, a turquoise fanny pack and overalls?

Candyman…

Throwback: Craig Mack – Flava In Ya Ear (Remix)

Hands down, one of the dopest remixes ever…

Craig Mack Ft. Notorious B.I.G., LL Cool J, Busta Rhymes & Rampage – Flava In Ya Ear (Remix)

…but if they did a “Where Are They Now?” story on everybody on this track it would be kind of depressing. Think about it…

Biggie – He’s dead.

LL Cool J – He’s alive, but his rap career is dead. Oh, I almost forgot he has a clothing line, The Todd Smith Collection, which can be found in the upscale aisles of Sears. Ummm…that’s not a plus. Have you seen that shit? It’s basically a bunch of t-shirts with his signature, glitter, skulls, rhinestones, tigers and random wings all over it.

Busta Rhymes – Everbody’s heard of a 1 hit wonder, well he’s more like a 100 hit wonder and I don’t mean that in a good way. This guy’s music is pretty consistent, he’s did a track with just about anybody you can name in hip-hop, he has a decent discography and a ton of commercial/club hits, but he’s never mentioned in anybody’s top 10, let alone top 5 list of rappers dead or alive. Remember Wooh-Hah I Got You All In Check? Put Your Hands Where My Eyes Can See? Gimme Some More? What’s It Gonna Be (the one w/Janet)? Make It Clap? Pass The Courvoisier? Touch It? Arab Money?….

Rampage – Really? Do I even need to go into detail?

Craig Mack – To be honest, I don’t know what the hell Craig Mack is doing right now. But I do know one thing though, forget about Jessica Simpson, Diddy, Vanessa Williams and Alicia Keys. If Craig Mack was in a Proactive commercial with clear skin I’d buy stock in that shit. Hey Proactive people, go clear his face up and watch your sales go through the roof.

Throwback: Aaron Hall – Don’t Be Afraid…

Aaron Hall is a damn psychopath. Remember “Don’t Be Afraid”? Well, it popped up while I had my iPod on shuffle the other day. Yes, I have it on my iPod…the 90’s kicked ass. Movin’ on, I actually paid attention to the lyrics and discovered this man had/has some serious issues. You probably haven’t heard it in while so let me refresh your memory. Here’s the lyrics to the first verse:

“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my Lord my soul to keep/ If I should die before I wake, I pray my Lord my soul to take/ you be sayin’ “daddy” to me, boy please don’t hurt me/ this is my first experience baby, make it feel alright don’t worry baby…”

Yep…he began a song about a woman’s first time having sex with the very same prayer that you learned to say at bedtime when you were 5 yrs old. I’m gonna go out on a limb and suggest that saying any type of prayer right before you take a woman’s virginity would fall into the category of “mood killer”.

While the first verse is weird, it’s the second verse that’s completely disturbing.

Second verse after the jump…

“Now I have you all to myself, you can put all the other guys up on the shelf/ no need to run, no need to hide/ all the doors are locked baby and I have you inside/ you can yell and you can hit me/ its just making me horny/ ain’t nothing but a love thing baby between me and you/ so just give in baby, don’t worry bout a thang…”

So it appears, as I predicted, that his virginal tender roni was indeed turned off by his impromptu prayer and has made an unsuccessful attempt to escape the evil clutches of Mr. Hall. After that verse, it seems as though she just gave up and gave him some, and once they were done he simply told her to “rest yo head on my tattoo chest, I know it feels real good…”

Btw, there were 2 different versions of “Don’t Be Afraid” on his album The Truth…the “Jazz You Up Version” and the “Sex You Down Some Mo’ Version”. I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried.