I Respect A Woman…

…but this B!#ch is crazy.

Okay, so about a month ago Kelis was awarded $55,000 per month in child and spousal support from Nas. Remember how everybody thought that was just ridiculous? Well in the words of Sticky Fingaz “But, but, but, but wait it gets worse!” Last week it was revealed that court documents were recently filed by Kelis’ team of lawyers, in which they reviewed the earnings of both Nas and Kelis and decided that Nas should just remove his balls and hand them over to Kelis.

Oh yeah, they also pulled a ton of numbers out of their ass and determined the following…

1.) Nas pulls in $244,826 a month.
How I don’t know…tour money must be the ish. Btw he sucked at the Rocked The Bells tour here in Chicago…I literally fell asleep for a few minutes during his performance.

2.) Kelis pulls in $13,744 a month.
How I don’t know…no seriously…..I’m really trying to figure out how.

3.) Kelis should get child support totaling $17,225 a month.
Huh!?! It’s a fuckin’ baby! I’m a grown ass man and I don’t need that much money per month to survive…if I did I would’ve been dead a long time ago because I damn sure don’t make it.

4.) Kelis should get spousal support totaling $72,728.
No, Kelis should get a fuckin’ job. You greedy low down dirty stank ass B!#ch. That is all.

5.) Nas should pay retro child support totaling $29,522.
Okay this is just getting stupid. The child was just born a few months ago…he doesn’t even eat solid food yet!! His diet consist of milk. Fuckin’ milk…maybe some apple sauce or other saucy form of baby food.

6.) Nas should pay retro spousal support totaling $281,571.
Now at this point she needs to hire some serious security. She’s just crossed into the “I might as well kill this B!#ch” zone. I’m sure Nas is pricing out hitman right now. Damn near $300,000 in retro spousal support!?! He could have her professionally killed 3 times for that amount of money….not that I would support that.

Oh well, I guess you can add this to Kelis’ playlist…
Calloway – I Wanna Be Rich
I’m sure this is the song that plays when her alarm clock goes off every morning.

Kelis’ New Playlist…

…features a few Nas songs, that in light of recent events have become her favorites. To hell with the boys, apparently Kelis’ milkshake brings large child support judgments to the yard. Everybody made a big deal about the fact that Nas was ordered to pay Kelis $55,000 a month in child and spousal support.

My question is what did everybody expect? I don’t agree with it at all….but he’s a celebrity and that’s the type of shit that happens. He’s not the first and he damn sure won’t be the last guy to get hit with an absurd child support judgment.

Anywho, I’m sure Kelis has found whole new appreciation for a few Nas songs. I think the following songs are in heavy rotation on her ipod…


5.) Nothing Last Forever
So true….but 18 years of paying $55,000 a month seems like forever.
Her favorite line: “The bitch you love could start to hate you”

4.) Queens Get The Money
Well his former Black Queen will definitely be gettin’ the money.
Her favorite line: “My Queen used her milkshake to bring Nas yall to the slaughterhouses”

3.) Hate Me Know
I’m pretty sure he, at the very least, hates her now.
Her favorite line: “You wanna hate me, then hate me what can I do but keep gettin’ money”

2.) Money Is My Bitch
Damn right it is….and you can now add Nas to that list.
Her favorite line: “I love you (money) so much don’t ever leave me, I won’t let you (money) leave me”

1.) You Owe Me
This was probably the first song Kelis played on her way home from court after she was awarded her money. She should call up Ginuwine and remake this song.
Her favorite line: “Shackles on yo feet…I think you owe me somethin”

Side Note:
Eddie tried to school fellas back in the 80’s…

Kelis’ Milkshake…

…doesn’t bring spousal support to the yard.

Last month Kelis filed for a divorce from Nas because of Nas smashing hella groupies on the side “irreconcilable differences”. Well, even though she’s weeks away from giving birth and probably broke as hell…Nas has filed his response to the divorce, and is asking the judge to deny her the spousal support she’s seeking. He even wants her to pay her own lawyer’s fees. Damn…

La la-la la la…warm it up.

Nas – Election Night

Nas and DJ Green Lantern was recorded this today…

Nas – Election Night

It’s short, sweet and to the point.