You know, I really believe that the 90’s was the decade of the one-hit wonder. It was like you could get a record contract by saving the UPC codes off of cereal boxes. There were so many random artist, rap and R&B, that came and went overnight they could’ve probably formed their own state….enter elder statesman Darryl Gibson…
Let’s be honest, as far as becoming a bonafide hip-hop star goes…..this poor guy never stood a chance. Granted it was the 90’s, but even if you ignored the generic “bang, boom, pow! surprise!” hip-hop stance he chose for his album cover, his obnoxious L.A. Laker colored jacket, and his Duke curl and wave activator saturated hair…..you were still left with his rap name, Positive K. I know most rappers in the late 80’s/early 90’s had pretty lame names, especially when you look at them objectively. You had your Ice’s (Ice T, Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice) and your C/Kool’s (LL Cool J, Kool Moe Dee, Kool G Rap), but Positive K just sounds like a healthy breakfast cereal….and while breakfast cereal is pretty cool….healthy breakfast cereal is far from it.
I was 11 yrs old when this song was a hit and although I liked this song I really didn’t get it….not like I do today. After spending more than enough time in clubs and bars throughout my college and post college years I’ve come to truly understand that this isn’t just a song….it’s a way of life for a lot of relentless lames that lurk in the dark bowels of nightclubs. Look, it’s not rocket science, most women make it somewhat obvious if they’re interested in talking to you. If not, they definitely make it blatantly obvious if they want you to leave them the hell alone. I’m not saying that persistence isn’t necessary at times, but you have to know when to use it because there’s a huge difference between being persistent and being annoying. This is a prime example of being annoying…
Ummm not sure if you noticed the Cross Colours jean suit this brother had on in the video. Nothing wrong with that…it was 90’s. But the fact that the shirt/jacket was three-quarter length with a waist tie is just unacceptable regardless of the decade. Movin’ on…
Positive K was obviously not tryin’ to hear that see…and neither are these guys…
The BFF
This is the guy that tries to play the friend angle after being told to fuck off. Look, if a woman tells you outright, meaning the first words out of her mouth are, “I got a man or I’m married”, keep it movin’ because there’s a strong chance that she’s not interested in you. Whether or not she’s telling the truth is irrelevant, because if she has a man/is married and she was actually interested in you, she wouldn’t even mention her man/husband until later on down the line, if ever (<—-Just had this happen about a month ago). But nope, this is the guy who think he's so smooth he'll make her forget all about her man/husband with lines like: "What? You can't have friends? Damn, he got you on lock like that?" or "I don't see no ring on your finger." There you go Daddy Mack…now you got her thinking.
The Converter
Fellas it’s no secret that we’ve lost quite a few attractive women to….women. I even know a few, but if a woman tells you she’s a lesbian, accept it and keep it movin’. Just like the “I got a man or I’m married” scenario it’s irrelevant if she’s telling the truth or not. But nope, The Converter has this warped misconception that she’s only gay because she hasn’t been with him yet. As a result, he proceeds with lines like “You just ain’t been with the right dude” and “Them dudes you were with just wasn’t hittin’ it right”. The Converter does the exact opposite of what he set out to do. Instead of convincing her to consider giving men another chance, he just reinforces her lesbianism (<–is that even a real word? Sounds like one *Kanye shrug*).
The Stalker 2K10
Prior to the internet stalking was like a full-time job. I mean you had to reeeeaaally be obsessed with a woman (and be a psychopath) to stalk her. Obtaining information like where she lived and worked, what she drove, where she shopped and who her friends were took some serious detective work. Not only did it take time and effort, but you had to be smart and somewhat cunning. Put it like this, a lot of would be stalkers probably just gave up once they saw how hard it was. Then the internet came along, followed by MySpace, FaceBook and more recently Twitter, making the art of stalking trivial. Nowadays, any asshole with a laptop and a Starbucks wifi connect can stalk you…hence, Stalker 2K10. This is that nice gentleman who seemed to take it well when you politely turned him down at the club Saturday night. Then on Sunday morning you see he’s sent you a friend request on FB and he’s started following you on Twitter. Signs that he’s a stalker? Nope. A lil thirsty? Yes….but you don’t consider him a psychopath. That is until one hour after you accepted his request you see that he’s commented on all 237 pics you have posted on FB, added all of your friends, poked you 15 times, superpoked you 3 times, sent you a virtual rose and hit you 23 virtual pillows.
Like Dave Chappelle told Wayne Brady’s hooker…”Run Bitch! Run Bitch! Run for your life, get some help!”
The Insulter
*sigh* I really don’t get this guy. So you see an attractive woman and you “shoot your shot”, “try to holla”, “spit yo game” or whatever the hell you want to call it. She politely tells you she has a man or something that equates to friendly rejection. You in return, insult her and threaten her with bodily harm. Way to go champ….nothing changes a woman’s mind like hearing the sweet serenade of “Fuck you then, you stuck-up bitch!”. Yeah, I have no doubt that back in the caveman days that line, coupled with a club to hit her over the head with, would’ve worked out in your favor. Fortunately for women, today there are things like laws, policemen, bouncers, stun guns, switch blades and mace to protect them from guys like you.
Honorable Mentions
The Verifier – This is the guy that does everything right initially. He gets her number….then he calls her in the club because he wants to make sure she gave him the right number.
The Bottle Popper – This is the lame who thinks that buying a woman a drink is an automatic win for him. Buying a woman a drink doesn’t guarantee that you’ll get a phone number, a dance, a date or some ass. You don’t buy a scratch off expecting to win every time…sometimes it’s just a waste of money.
The Motion Detector – I was out this past weekend and I witnessed this guy in full effect. This is that guy who quietly stands right by a woman all night, waiting for her to do anything that could be remotely interpreted as dancing. The minute she does, his cool and relaxed demeanor is thrown out the window and he begins to viciously gyrate up against her ass.
Doza said 
